Because, After All, I Am Tao
by SolitaireAikanaro
Summary: Do you know what it's like? To be struck as soon as you're born, to be whipped til you can't breathe? No, that is only my burden, because, after all, I am Tao. Rencentric. Oneshot.


Wow...Erm...I don't really know where this came from...I know En doesn't die like that but...

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Do you know what it's like? To be struck as soon as you're born, to be whipped until you can't breathe? Do you know what it's like to be abandoned to fend for yourself, for your parents not to care whether you starved or not?

No, you don't. Because that is only my burden. Because, after all, I am Tao.

And being Tao means you are strong, that you endure your hardships. Being Tao means you bear your pain silently, and you neither scream nor cry. Being Tao means never asking for help. Being Tao means absolutely no failure.

That was beat into me (literally) as soon as I could crawl. Failure is not an option. To be weak is to fail. Failure is not an option.

And so, I don't fail. I don't cry. I don't scream. I don't feel. I'm hardly human, but that's okay. After all, I am Tao. And being human is second to being Tao.

I'm so jealous of Yoh. He's so carefree and loose, the exact opposite of me. Sometimes I'm so envious I want to scream. I want to hit Yoh, and show him, show everyone what I go through, what happens every time I go back to China.

But…I don't. I must exert self-control, I must again turn away and clamp my mouth shut. Because, after all, I am Tao. And Tao turns all emotion to hate and anger.

Hate makes you strong, anger fuels your power. That was what I was always taught.

My father doesn't think I have enough hate. How can I not, I think to myself. After all, I hate him. Hate is a strong word, people say, but not nearly strong enough. I detest my father, I loathe my father. And one day, I'll defeat him. He will feel pain at my hands. Because, after all, I am Tao. And betrayal is Tao.

En will pay for stealing my childhood. He will pay for every wound on my body, in my mind. One day, he will fall, by my hand.

Until that day, I bite my lip. I endure the pain, I go through the tests. It makes me strong, fuels my hate.

I load the bullets, feeling the cool metal in my hands. I slip the gun into my pocket, the weight heavy against my leg. A cold smirk forms as I board the plane. The flight attendant sees the weapon, and hesitates. Several hundred dollars later, she's all smiles again. Bribery is Tao.

I am escorted to my manor by my father's personal guards. The very guards that hold me when I'm whipped, the guards that lock me away at night.

I shoot every single one of them as we enter the countryside. Tonight is my night. Revenge is Tao.

As I enter my old home, I feel a different sensation in the air. A different atmosphere, a _tingle_. I smile cruelly, and shiver in excitement. It's my night.

I am ushered into the 'throne' room, a dark iron place that reeks of my father.

" Ren. What a pleasant surprise." En nods, a disgusting leer pasted on his ugly face. I sneer, and concede to nod.

" How are you? I heard you had gone into the hospital." En says casually, picking up a wineglass.

I clench my fists, my jaw tense. He sent me to the hospital! He was responsible for my injuries! I bite my tongue until it bleeds. For now I wait. Patience is Tao.

" Not saying much, are you? You know, I remember when you were young, you were the loudest brat I'd ever heard." En smirked, sipping the wine in his hand.

I find myself studying the wineglass. It's a distraction, to prevent me from smashing in En's head. The wine is a lovely deep red, just the colour En's blood will be. But I can't attack yet. En is still wary. I have to wait, and look for weak moments. Observation is Tao.

" Talk, you mute moron! You stupid, weak, pathetic – " My anger rises with every word En bellows. Years of abuse piles up, stretching my control.

When I was a year old, my father repeatedly knocked my head against the wall until I had a concussion.

When I was three he broke all the bones in my left hand and refused me a cast for a week.

When I was seven he made me train non-stop until I fainted.

When I was thirteen he made me take on his whole guard while I had the flu. I was an inch from death when he called them off.

I hate him, I hate him, I hate himIhatehimIhatehim! Hatehatehatedieyouarrogant son-of-adiehatehatehateyouwishyouwoulddieHATE!

My head shot up, my hand going to my pocket. I couldn't wait any longer. I pulled out the gun, and shot. En's eyes widened as the loud bang hung in the air. Ugly words stopped spilling out of his mouth. Instead, blood did.

The wineglass fell from his fingers and smashed, its contents scattering. En fell forward, the ruby of the wine mixing with the rapidly spreading blood.

I fingered the gun lazily. En always hated technology. Imagine, to be destroyed by what you fear and distrust. Pathetic.

I step over his body, enjoying the squelch my boots made as I stepped in his blood.

I am free. Free. Laughter bubbles over my lips, dropping uncontrollably in the air. I giggle hysterically, giddy with my freedom. I know I look crazy, and maybe I am. Look at my father. Insanity is Tao.

And I am Tao.

If En were still alive, he'd probably appreciate my effort. Because, after all, I am Tao.

And murder is Tao.

That night, I bathe in blood…

_Because, after all, I am Tao…_

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